Condoms

Anything looks good on me...except condoms.

Wet hole

Mary Pat: We have so much more to offer than you.
Carp: What? A hole? I have a wet hole too.

You? Not so much.

Walking through Lincoln Fest and stopped at two random girls in the crowd talking and said, (to first girl) "I'd bang you." (To second girl) "But you? not so much."

No, wait... Those are totally my balls!...

From the North...

I don't know, man... I don't think you can catch AIDs from a North American...

Jive...

Whilst entering a wal-mart in the fall of 2003 in Ames Iowa, Carp met his first of many inflatable friends... After seeing the price, Adam said with amazement, "It's only $80.00!"...

Do you have any idea

Carp- I'd be the best fuck of your life

Girl- I doubt it

Carp- Do you have any idea how big my dick is?